Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in gabenesriel's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, January 14th, 2004
11:52 pm	One week until the anniversary Oh shit... One week... Then, exactly four and eight months ago, Don and Chad killed themselves. I personally am thinking i want to join them... you know some kind of poetic triangle bullshit. All of us go at an even 4 month interval. All of us having an an even space of time between us... Don was my best friend. He was more than twice my age. And he was the only man I've ever loved. It wasnt a sexual kind of love... But he was the only man I have ever thought of as more than a friend. Now Im not homosexual, but I felt like he was so much more than a friend. He killed himself exaclty four months after chad hung himself. September 21, 2003. Chad hung himself on May 21, 2003. He killed himself 2 weeks after his best friend. Chad and Don were friends. And Chad was everything I wanted to be. Kind, handsome, funny, great to be around... I really wish I'd gotten to know him better. He told me a lot about himself, but I never really got to know him well enough. I'm giving myself a week to find meaning in my life... If I dont, I slit my wrists. That will be the end of it. I am going to go meditate now... I need to think... Current Mood: suicidal Current Music: anything sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 11th, 2004
8:39 pm	the first entry Welcome to my life. My name is Mark, and I will be your host. Im 17 years old (18 in april). I lost my best friend in september (suicide). And for the last four months, I have been a wreck. I think I am finally getting to a point where I am getting back to normal. I have been rather depressed, ready for suicide by all real accounts. I have been lonely, sad, and all around self-destructive. The only thing I have had to cling to is the hope of a girlfriend. Childish, I know, but when you have no one, it seems like the world revolves around it. The girl that I have been sort of dating, Becca, cant date until she is 16. which happens 19 days from now. She and I come from two very different worlds. I am the drug using, cigarette smoking, God searching nonconformist. She is the strictly Baptist, parentally obedient, do-what-you-have-to-to-get-along girl that I can't get out of my head. In all reality, the only thing we have in common is that we are attracted to each other. I tried to quit smoking for her, and I started going to her little Baptist bible studies. But these things don't really appeal to me, so Im going to not do them. I know that even when we do get together that things probably wont last very long, but I dont care. I have been waiting for 3 fucking months for this girl, and i dont know about you, but three months is a LONG wait for me. I have trained myself, for the last few weeks mostly, to not care about the status of the relationship. I know it probably wont last anyway. Oh well, I am just going to go with it. Current Mood: realistic Current Music: Cake, Bloohhound Gang, Primus (Comment on this)